make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
