i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
