There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
