Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
