so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
