yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
