I need help removing her.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
