I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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