I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
