who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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