it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
