He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
