I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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