I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
