Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
