Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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