Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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