pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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