ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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