I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
