Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
