you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
