Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
