He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
