you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
