i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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