I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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