sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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