I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
