i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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