My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
