Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
