HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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