we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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