we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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