People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
