i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
