You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
