dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
