Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
