you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
