I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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