we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
