somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
