Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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