listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
