do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Can Purell be used as lube?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
