pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
