did you get engaged???
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
