she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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