I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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