Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
