I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
