I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
