So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
